Calling Recognized
Never Alone
Sometimes YAH meets us at a Bible study or a church service a friend or family member casually invited us to. Sometimes He meets us at home; through a podcast, a book, or a quiet moment alone. And sometimes, something so undeniable happens that all you can say is: “It just had to be Elohim.”
I’ve experienced multiple moments like that; moments where it could only be YAH. Just last year, I was met by Him in the middle of illness, navigating blurred lines between medications, confusion, and isolation. It was a very hard period; honestly, one of the most difficult seasons of my life, and it could only be Elohim why I am alive, steady in my mind, and able to write about it now.
Praise YAH.
I’ve always had a small circle of friends; foundational ones. Friends I grew up with, or met in my early teenage years. As I got older, I met others and grew close to some of them too. But as my condition worsened, the way I could show up and the way others could show up for me began to shift. My world grew smaller, not out of desire, but out of necessity.
In that season, there were only two people I could truly call on; two people who had both the capacity and the willingness to be there; without judgment, as I spent nights in the hospital, sometimes weekly.
As my physical and mental health were constantly challenged, I learned to pray—and I did… a lot.
Most times, I could barely find the words because, truthfully, I had never really prayed. I grew up in church, attending weekly services; sometimes even multiple times a week. There were routine morning devotions with my parents. But prayer, to me, had always felt like something to endure. I remember thinking, on multiple mornings, “When are they going to finish? I feel like I’m about to collapse” I didn’t yet understand the “pray without ceasing” concept…or even how powerful prayer really is.
So I started writing my prayers. It was the only way I could fully express what I was feeling in a way that made sense. My thoughts and emotions had been bundled up and repressed for years; I had to put pen to paper. Even in distress, I found myself writing prayers not just for me, but for my friends…for my family. I would later learn this is called intercessory prayer—but at the time, it was simply all I knew how to do.
And in that season, prayer wasn’t just something I chose, it was all I had. The two people who stood by me were also praying, because there was nothing physical anyone could really do…except stay, support me, and lift me up in prayer.
What feels almost humorous now—though it wasn’t then—is that in my yearly journal, I had written a vague spiritual goal: “Learn to pray. Pray. Pray.” I meant it, but I had no idea how Elohim would answer that desire.
He taught me how to pray by allowing a situation that could only be carried through prayer…lol. And when I look back at that journal and trace everything that followed, I can’t help but shake my head. The moments themselves were not laughable; there was torment, fear, exhaustion; but the faithfulness of YAH is undeniable.
In my darkest moments, the only thing I could do was exactly what I had written: Pray…Pray…Pray.
As I continued calling out to Him, I was gently led into Scripture. Sometimes it came through a devotional, sometimes through a quiet, persistent prompting I now recognize as YAH’s Holy Spirit. Either way, it didn’t feel random and it wasn’t something I would have reached for on my own.
Looking back, I can see it clearly: I thought I was seeking Him, but even that desire was being led. Even that reaching…was a response.
And it was in that unfolding realization that I was not initiating this, but being drawn—that I encountered this truth:
“You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, so that whatever you ask the Father in My Name He might give you.”
I was alone in an Airbnb room when this verse settled in—but as I read it, I realized I wasn’t really alone. I never had been. I remember looking around, almost instinctively, because the awareness felt unfamiliar…weighty in a way I couldn’t explain. But from that moment on, whatever Elohim had to say to me, He had my full attention.
Something shifted in that room. Not loudly, but deeply, in a way I couldn’t undo.
I began to understand that this wasn’t about me finding Elohim.
It was about Him finding me.
Choosing me when I didn’t yet know how to choose Him in return.
And what once felt like a sudden turn in my life revealed itself for what it truly was; not sudden at all, but intentional…ordained…guided.
Have you ever paused to consider that what you thought was you searching for God…was actually Him drawing you first?
Where have you been praying without realizing you were being led?
If He has been choosing you, even in seasons where you didn’t know how to choose Him back…what might it look like to respond now?
