Control Dismantled
When Discipline Isn't Enough
Discipline makes us feel like we are in control of our lives, our outcomes, our destinies. In this day and age, we journal and plan for the year ahead. We’re asked in job interviews, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” We surround ourselves with self-help books that tell us all we need to do is plan better, be more intentional, wake up at 4 a.m., and make our beds.
I’ve read many of those books. Some of them built on a foundation of discipline I already had; growing up in a household with a father who represented law: the law of a country, and the laws of Elohim. At a young age, that structure felt strict. As I grew older, I realized it was necessary.
For years, I prided myself on discipline; sticking to routines, reading every book that taught me how, when, and where to succeed; and there’s nothing inherently wrong with routines, or with seeking guidance and upliftment but the majority of those books, I have now learnt, never factor the presence or the work of YAH and His Word.
The Lord of our lives, the One who created us and who is truly in control; we’re called to acknowledge Him; not just when we want something. Yes, He will provide all our needs, but He is not our sugar daddy. We tend o fake relationship with Him to get the things that we want in the moment. How do we know that what we want is what He knows is best for us?
It takes surrender; submitting our plans, our routines, our everything to Him so He can lead and guide us.
“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.”
Have you ever noticed that no matter how disciplined you are, there are still persistent struggles? Financial cycles that don’t break no matter how carefully you budget? Toxic or harmful relationship patterns despite how much “inner work” you do? If we really keep it real with ourselves, some of us don’t know what to do with money, even after reading every financial freedom book… or how to be a loving partner, despite all the subliminal memes we post on social media. We need guidance, and who better to guide us than the One who made us in His image and likeness… come on!
Discipline can manage behavior, but it cannot heal the root, neither will it guarantee peace. It can give the illusion of control, but it cannot override purpose.
What I’ve learned is this: discipline without surrender eventually becomes exhausting because when we rely solely on our own understanding, we place ourselves in the position of Elohim, unknowingly carrying a weight we were never meant to bear. It sounds simple but it’s incredibly difficult in a world that constantly promotes self.
That’s why the verse doesn’t say “Plan harder.”
It doesn’t say “Be more disciplined.”
It says trust and trust requires relinquishing control. Acknowledging Elohim means admitting that our best efforts still fall short without Him directing the path.
Discipline built my strength but surrender built my peace.
The point is this, we were never created to do everything on our own. I still struggle with this even now, on this journey. There are moments where I try to control myself by avoiding, by severing, by becoming rigid. While there are things I truly believe I was instructed to let go of, there are other moments where fear of falling back into old patterns causes me to tighten my grip instead of reaching out. What I learnt and accepted was that rigidity is often just fear wearing discipline’s clothing.
There are times when I don’t need more rules, I need to call on Yah.
For help.
For guidance.
For strength.
Never Safe Without Him
I’m currently writing a book about some of the struggles I faced during seasons when I thought I had everything under control.
One moment that stands out to me is when the seed of smoking was first replanted in my mind. I had stopped for several months before giving my life to Elohim. I was having a conversation, expressing frustration with my living situation. During a period of isolation, I didn’t have much people to talk to or had persons who completely understood what I was going through.
This conversation I had with my aunt; she mentioned that when she gave her life to The LORD, the temptations were still there and whenever she got frustrated, she thought about smoking. She was just sharing how the enemy worked and it was a harmless conversation where she was encouraging me to cling to the Father.
It shortly turned into recurring thoughts and impulses to smoke… then vivid dreams of me smoking. That was the moment I should have called on Elohim. I should have rebuked it immediately but where I went wrong was believing I had control in the first place.
After weeks of dreaming , I became frustrated one day and drove straight to a corner shop. Then I went back the next day. And the next. I felt disappointed. Discouraged. It was one of the hardest habits I’ve ever had to break and to start the cycle all over again was disheartening to say the least.
When I initially overcame smoking, there were no cravings. No pull; I could be around people who smoked and feel completely unbothered. And then, at the very moment I thought, I’m safe now, God showed me something I needed to understand:
I am never safe without Him.
That realization wasn’t meant to instill fear, it was an invitation to remain dependent, not disciplined into exhaustion; to acknowledge Him daily, not only in moments of failure. To trust that strength doesn’t come from control, but from surrender.
Discipline has its place but it was never meant to replace Elohim.
“Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think any thing as of ourselves; but our sufficiency is of God. ”
What have you been controlling out of fear instead of trusting in faith?
What if letting go is the very thing that keeps you free?
Have you ever mistaken discipline for peace?
